My Mom's Train Ride

My mom's train rolled in about two & a half hours late last night.

In our delirious stupor, she stood in my apartment with her hands in the air and described her journey.

"I mean, it was like I was in some sort of bizarre parallel universe. I was sitting there and the conductor came to collect tickets and the woman in front of me said she was going to Chicago and the conductor was like 'uh, Chicago is that way'; she had gotten on the wrong train! So we had to stop and let her off. Who does that? My worst OCD fear! And then we were going again and all was good and they came on the speaker and announced that a crew member had had a heart attack. Like, WHAT?!! So we stopped while they called 911 and the paramedics worked on him, but I have no idea how that ended. I hope he's okay. No one even seemed concerned, though! Everyone was upset by the delay and I wanted to be like, 'someone just had a heart attack, people!' And then we were going again and the woman behind me, who looked exactly liked Sophia on Golden Girls, just never.shut.up. I'm not kidding, she did not stop talking. I know what she likes, I know what she hates, I know her life's disappointments, I know details about her children, I know what food she prefers on Fridays, I know how much her cable bill costs. I know everything. So then I just really couldn't take it anymore and I scurried to the dining car to have a drink. And as I was sitting there, I heard these people talking about the best way to buy drugs. I heard them devise a plan and I wanted to be like, 'I can hear youuuu' and the teacher in me wanted to go over and shake my finger in their face and say 'no, bad, don't do that!'"

At this point, we both had tears streaming down our faces as we laughed so hard that no noise was coming out except for tiny squeaks.

Oh goodness...

I sure am glad she's here.

until next time,

g